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After death, what is the only organ in the female body which remains warm?
My penis.
What do you call a little boy with no arms and no legs?
Names.
What’s the difference between a joke and two dicks?
You can’t take a joke.
What do you call a deaf gynecologist?
A lip reader.
I hope Death is a woman.
That way it will never come for me.
What’s worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face?
Finding out it was traced.
What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A rip off.
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wiped his ass.
What does tofu and a dildo have in common?
They’re both meat substitutes.
How many Emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts.
How did the leper hockey game end?
There was a face off in the corner.
Why do men always give their jackets to their women when they are cold?
Who wants a blowjob from a woman who is shaking with her teeth?
What do pimps and farmers have in common?
They both need a hoe to stay in business.
What do you call a teenage boy who doesn’t masturbate?
A liar.
What is the difference between acne and a catholic priest?
Acne usually comes on a boys face after he turns 12.
Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll?
Ken came in another box.
My first high-school football game was a lot like my first time having sex…
I was bloody and sore at the end, but at least my dad came.
What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
She gagged.
What’s does Donald Trump’s hair and a thong have in common?
They both barely cover the asshole.
What is the best part of a blowjob?
Ten minutes of peace and quiet.
I asked my wife why she never blinked during foreplay.
She said she didn’t have time.
Say what you want about pedophiles…
But at least they drive slow through the school zones.